IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER: This is a secure contact form. Any information you send will be kept in the strictest confidence. This email does not create a designer-client relationship. Although it might have created an designer-client relationship without explicitly saying so, because the law is sneaky sometimes, and the authoritative statements in this disclaimer are not as authoritative as they may initially seem. If you aren’t absolutely sure whether or not a designer-client relationship exists between yourself and the recipient (Patrick Houston Design Studio in Little Rock, Arkansas, hereinafter referred to as “PHDS”) of this email, you should probably send the recipient (PHDS) another email asking for clarification. All judges rulings are final and may not be appealed.
If your email may contains confidential and/or legally privileged information, you should probably think twice before hitting “send”. If it does, and you are not an authorized sender of email for your organization, then the recipient (PHDS) hereby requests that you notify him of your mistake so that the recipient (PHDS) can destroy all copies in possession of the recipient (PHDS) and notify your employer of your incompetence.
The purpose of this disclaimer, in theory, is to protect the recipient (PHDS) from whatever liability may result from the sender’s own failure to communicate clearly or properly send an email, even though the recipient (PHDS), having mastered a website design and print design experiential education, is well aware that a generic email disclaimer, even one written with that ominous language of which lawyers are so fond, is unlikely to be enforced against a party lacking a sophisticated understanding of the legal principles surrounding said disclaimer, and that in the case of a party who does understand the legal principles surrounding said disclaimer, the disclaimer merely restates what said party already knows.
This disclaimer is not unlike the ceaseless blaring of a television left on in an empty room—a noisy warning that no one is paying attention to and is rendered meaningless by its own vacuousness.
This disclaimer is not especially concerned with intelligibility. Unlike the recipient (PHDS) of this email, this disclaimer has no qualms about indulging in the more opaque trademarks of fake and made up legal sounding jargon, including but not limited to (i) the phrase “including but not limited to”, (ii) the use of “said” as an adjective, (iii) re-naming conventions that have little to no basis in vernacular English and, regardless, never actually recur, (iv) redundant, tedious, and superfluous repetition of synonymous terms, (v) ENTIRE SECTIONS OF SHOUTY-CAPITALIZED TEXT, PRESUMABLY INTENDED TO IMPART THE MEANING OF, “HEY! THIS IS IMPORTANT! YOU SHOULD READ THIS PART! AND REMEMBER IT! ALSO, I AM A PIRATE!!”, AS IF NO ONE HAS EVER NOTICED THAT ALL-CAPS TEXT CREATES THE VISUAL EFFECT OF A SOLID RECTANGULAR BLOCK OF TEXT THAT IS COMPLETELY ILLEGIBLE, and (vi) lowercase Roman numerals.
This disclaimer exists for precisely one reason—to make this website appear more professional, and, to get this page over the 300 word threshold for good Search Engine Optimization (SEO) results. This disclaimer shall not be construed as a guarantee of actual professionalism on the part of the recipient (PHDS). Any actual professionalism contained herein is purely coincidental and is in no way attributable to the presence of this disclaimer. While the recipient (PHDS) of this email likes to think the professionalism with which he approaches his work speaks for itself, this disclaimer constitutes (i) begrudging acquiescence to the industry standard, or at least a superficial imitation thereof, and (ii) begrudging acceptance of the paradoxical reality that people who exchange emails with designers both expect to see, and pay no attention to, legal disclaimers. If you aren’t reading this, then this disclaimer has done its job.
THIS DISCLAIMER IS NOT SPECIFICALLY INTENDED TO BE, OR NOT BE, IRONIC.